Neuro Linguistic Programming NLP is a natural life process of how individuals perceive and respond to the reality of their lives. We all experience the external world through our five senses, see (visual), hear (auditory), smell (olfactory), taste (gustatory), and feel (kinaesthetic). If we did not have any of these senses how would the external world exist?

Image Source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mouth

If we use our five senses to perceive our external environment, then the information our senses gather must be stored internally within our minds as images, sounds, feelings, tastes, and smells. It is how we store this information that effects how we will perceive, and in turn, respond to our reality.

In NLP we call this internal representation a 'mental map'. This mental map is very different to the real world.Our minds to a greater or lesser extent, distort, delete, and generalize, all the sensory information of our experience. Yes that's right, all.

One of the presuppositions of NLP is that the map is not our territory. This basically means that our view of the world is not the world itself but our internal representation of it, just like a road map is not the actual streets and suburbs, but a representation of them.

Source: http://static.howstuffworks.com/gif/brain-intro.gif

Memories for example are a map, an internal representation of past events, for they no longer exist in reality, only within our minds. These internal representations collectively join together to become our map of the world. This map that is an internal representation within our mind influences everything we think, do & feel.

Without this map we would have nothing to refer to when building upon the understanding of the world in which we live. We all have a map. To continue our analogy of the street directory, its accuracy determines how quickly we arrive at our destination. The same goes for the map within our mind. If there is too much distortion, deletion or generalization then our map will not accurately reflect the territory and we will experience frustration, delays and disappointments in getting to where it is we want to go.

This is what happens when we use an out dated street directory. As a result, do we experience frustration trying to get to where we are going? Do we become angry and feel guilty for not knowing how to use the map or do we blame the street directory itself for being inaccurate?

Take your pick because I’m sure we have all made one, if not all of these responses at some time. If it’s the street directory that is not serving our needs, then we can change it, update it or do what ever we need to do in order to improve it and make it more functional. Without a functional street directory we are lost before we start our journey.

The same applies to our mental map. If we wish to improve the way we respond to situations in our life, then the first thing, to learn to accept is that our view of the world is not the world itself. This includes all our beliefs and values. This can be an uplifting attitude to adopt because it means we can start to examine our own thinking and behaviour and not feel we have to hold on to everything we currently believe.

We can begin to accept that parts of our maps might not be working as well as they could be in getting what we want in life. We can begin the process of updating our map and making it more accurate to serve our current circumstances. One simple way of doing this is to separate ourselves from our behaviour.

Remember our map is not the territory (self). Our behaviour is our map and, if our behaviour is inappropriate, it’s our map that needs to be changed, not we ourselves. In other words to change our behaviour we must first accept ourselves as we are. Sounds completely opposite of the way society has taught us, doesn't it?

That is the paradox of life: what is seemingly absurd is actually truth. Why? Because in this example it follows natural life processes and when we follow these processes, life works for us and not against us.

That's why a good disciplinary technique for parents is to focus on a child's behaviour and not the child itself.

Instead of saying, "Johnny, don't do that, you bad boy!" we should say. "Johnny I love you, but when you behave like that I get annoyed, I would like you to behave this way" Instead of saying what we don't want from little Johnny and judging him as bad, we can separate him from his behaviour and focus our communication on what we do want from him. In this way we are helping him to create a map that will be more accurate and functional in his life, not only now but in to his future.

If a person is brought up to believe that a person is his/her behaviour, (I.e. the map is his territory) and does something that is considered to be wrong, then he/she will consider that others have judged him as being a bad person. This will re-enforce his/her existing belief and in turn will perpetuate the behaviour. This may continue in downward spiral until the behaviour becomes so bad that society has to incarcerate him/her.

If we can break the belief structure by accepting that his/her map (behaviour) is not his/her territory (self) and demonstrate that acceptance in our behaviour towards her/him, then eventually he/she may become less resistant to changing his/her behaviour.

This is dependant on his/her intention and how far his/her conditioning has developed.

IT IS FAR EASIER TO CHANGE A BEHAVIOUR THAN IT IS TO CHANGE A PERSON.

The major fundamental shift that has to take place before people can accept change is for them to realise that they are not their behaviour and that their behaviour can be changed. Once this level of awareness has been reached, the person can disassociate from their behaviour because they are no longer personalising it as being who they are.

WITH HEIGHTENED AWARENESS THEY BECOME RESPONSIBLE FOR THEIR ACTIONS, AND BEGIN TO UNDERSTAND HOW THEIR ACTIONS LEAD TO CONSEQUENCES THAT IN TURN RESULTS IN HOW LIFE TREATS THEM.

This is a turning point of change. Life's events are our teachings, and if we don't learn from these events, then we will continue to re-live the past until we realise what it is trying to teach us. With a dysfunctional map, this could take along time. In fact, some may say more than lifetime. The way we remember and experience the past in the present can be changed and this is where the science of NLP comes into its own.

So, book a Vibes consultation and free yourself rather being stuck with repeating cycle of patterns and reactions that no longer serve your best interests.

My intention is to facilitate yourself in becoming the best you can be NOW. By understanding your self and others, you can choose how to be and what to create in your life TODAY. Become empowered and learn the tools & understand the skills to enrich your life experiences NOW.